Circling Back Around
by Winchester Baby
Summary: No matter the fights they have, the troubles they face, or the forces that try to separate them, Sam and Dean Winchester always circle back around to each other. Follow this story through 35 Chapters of significant moments in the boys' lives from both of their point of views. **WINCEST** **HEA**
1. First Meetings

Chapter 1 : First Meetings

Dean's POV:

The first time I met my little brother, Sam, was when I was 4; he had just been born.

My mom was so excited over this little bundle of person and I, personally, didn't see it. I mean, what was _so _great about _this _kid? What made him more special than me?

He ended up getting _all _the attention, and truthfully? I hated it.

"Not now, Dean, we need to feed Sam."

"I can't, Dean, Sam needs me to change his diaper."

"Dean, no. I'm busy with Sam."

Sam, Sam, _SAM. _It was _all _about _Sam. _

This little twerp had wiped me off the map.

One day, my dad was at the store and my mom was tired, so she asked me to watch the infant while she napped on the couch.

"Now, Dean, I need you to watch him but stay right here next to me and wake me if you need _anything. _Alright?"

"Okay." I replied.

I held Sam in my arms while my mom slept.

When I heard her soft snoring, I looked at down at the small _thing _that had made me disappear.

_It's... he's actually kinda... cute. _I thought.

I began to bounce my arms, rocking Sam in them. Sam reached up his small, chubby arms and began to reach for my face. I leaned forward, letting his soft fingers stroke my face.

He smiled, toothless and wide.

"Hi, Sam." I whispered.

He giggled.

"Looks like Sam likes you." My mom said, smiling that her two sons were getting along. She was propped up on her elbow, obviously awake now, and watching my brother and I's interactions.

"Yeah, looks like it." I replied.

Mom looked at the clock. "You wanna put him in bed?"

"Sure." I spoke to her. "Come on, Sammy." I said, standing with the smaller boy enveloped in my arms as I looked down at him.

"Sammy?" My mom asked, wondering about my nickname for the smaller boy.

I looked at her, then I looked at my brother.

"Yeah, _Sammy._"

Sam's POV:

I don't remember the first time I _actually _met my brother, given that I would've have been too young to remember.

The first time I remember meeting him I was probably 5. I distinctly remember _knowing _who he was but I have no earlier memories besides this one.

We were in a motel room in some state. I remember that it was just us two, my dad was out 'hunting' and my mom... well... I knew that she was gone.

Dean and I sat on the couch watching a T.V. show and eating... _something. _

The part that makes it so memorable and distinctive is the nightmare I'd had that night and the conversation that followed it.

I was laying in the same bed as my brother, given our tight living spaces.

_I'm laying down on something soft. A couch? A bed maybe? I don't know. _

_Someone's coming up to me. A man. He looks at me. _

_Yellow eyes. _

_Who is he? What does he want? _What _is he? _

_Then I hear screaming. It's a female_

_Suddenly the man, the yellow-eyed man, looks at her and I can see her figure being dragged up a wall. I can't see _her – _just the outline of her figure. _

_Now she's on the ceiling, screaming. The man is laughing. _

_Then there's fire. Burning, red orange and yellow fire. _

_Then he's gone. _

_More screaming – from another man this time. But... not the yellow-eyed man. _

_I don't know what he's yelling. _

_Then someone's picking me up. I can't see his face either, but he's the one screaming. _

_He hands me off to someone shorter than him. The person holding me is small, much smaller than the man who handed me off to him. _

_Then I hear a voice again. "You'll be okay. It's all gonna be okay, Sammy." _

_Only one person calls me Sammy. _

I remember the nightmare so well because I still have it every once in a while...

I woke up and I was panting and sweating.

My brother was next to me. "Sammy? Sammy, what's wrong?"

"I – I had a dream."

"A dream?"

"A _bad_ dream..." I admitted.

"What was it about?"

I explained everything.

Yellow eyes, bright fire, lots of screaming.

Dean looked a little pale.

"Go back to sleep, Sammy, it was just a nightmare." Dean said, laying down and opening his arms, welcoming me to his embrace.

I crawled in, choosing to ignore my brother's odd behavior.

"It was just a dream, Sammy." He'd whispered. "Just a bad dream."

We lay there a while longer, and just before sleep overtook me and my brother, I asked a question. A question I'd wanted to ask for so long that I'd never before had the audacity or courage to ask.

"Dean?" I'd began, "Where's dad?"

"Hunting." He replied coldly.

"Hunting what?"

"Uh, bad things."

"Like what?"

"Like, things that hurt people."

"Like what?"

"Like monsters."

"Is dad Superman?!"

"Yeah, Sammy. Dad's Superman."

"Why is he working at night? And why doesn't he come home?"

"Because... Because he, uh... Because the monsters are being evil right now so dad needs to fight them." I could tell Dean was struggling to answer, but with me at such a tender and naive age, I had no suspicions.

"When's he gonna come home, Dean?"

"When the monster is stopped."

"Then why does he come home and then leave again and then come home and leave and-"

I was cut off. "Because he comes home when one monster is stopped and leaves when a new one starts causing trouble!" Dean practically yelled, frustrated.

"Then why do we keep moving homes?"

"Because dad needs to follow the monsters."

"Why?"

"Because he's Superman." Dean replied.

I believed it too. I believed my dad was Superman.

"Night, Dean." I said, cuddling into my brother.

"Night, Sammy." He replied and he pulled me closer and held me tight.

And I fell asleep, smiling happily.


	2. The Fire

Chapter 2 : The Fire

Dean's POV:

I remember being asleep... I woke up to screaming and heat and thick, smelly air.

I got out of bed and opened my door, peeking into the hallway to see what was happening.

Down the hall from me I saw my brother's room with burning, colorful flames coming out of it.

All of the sudden my dad appeared, carrying Sammy in his arms.

"Dean," He'd said, "take Sam outside now!" I hesitated. "NOW!" He reprimanded and shoved my baby brother at me.

I saw my dad return back to the enflamed room, and he looked back at me just as he began to enter the doorway.

"Go, Dean! Go!"

And I ran down the stairs at the speed of lightning – or at least as fast as my barely 6 year old legs could carry me.

I arrived outside with my brother tucked tightly and safely into my arms.

I ran to the tree that was fairly far away from our house in the backyard.

I leaned against the trunk of the old tree and slid down it, still holding on to Sam.

Looking back at the house, I began to cry. I was so scared.

Where was mom? Where was dad?

What was happening?

I looked down at my brother, peacefully unaware of the current surroundings.

I wanted to keep it that way. No way would my brother know the cruelty of the world if I was able to stop it.

I wanted to protect him from being scared – I didn't want him feeling as I did now. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I was going to make damn sure it was never inflicted on my brother.

Looking down at him, I spoke.

"I'll protect you Sammy. Always. I won't let anything or anyone hurt you."

I glanced at the house, now totally engulfed with flames.

Chubby hands tickled my face. I looked down to see Sam swinging at my face again.

I pulled him closer and held him a little bit tighter, making sure to keep him safe and comfortable.

"Dean? Dean?! Where are you?" I heard.

"Dad?!" I replied, looking through a haze of smoke trying to find him. "I'm by the tree!" I screamed.

Within a minute, dad had found us and immediately looked into my arms, searching for my younger brother.

I knew Sam was dad's favorite. I don't know how or why since all Sam does is sleep, eat and poop, but he was indeed dad's favorite. (Though dad would deny it.)

"Sam's okay, dad. I made sure he didn't inhale any smoke or get burned." I said, somewhat triumphantly.

"Great. Well, let's get him to a hospital anyways." He replied, not even looking me in the eye.

"Okay." I wanted to make sure Sam was okay too, but what about me? Didn't dad care if _I _was okay?

"Come on, Dean! We gotta get Sam to a hospital." Dad yelled, already running for the Impala.

"Sorry, coming." I jogged after him.

We arrived at the hospital. I still wasn't sure how the fire started, but Dad had said a candle fell over and burned too many things before it was noticed and could be put out.

Sam ended up being okay, which was great. But I remember dad... he was all antsy and jittery and watched every person who walked by with a keen and intense eye, scrutinizing them.

Dad wouldn't leave the room. He _had _to be with Sam. Couldn't leave him by himself.

He gave me 20 bucks and told me to go get some food from the cafeteria.

I retrieved food and sat down next to my dad.

"Where's mom?" I asked.

Dad froze. "She... she's not here anymore, Dean."

"What do you mean?"

"She's, she's in a better place, alright?"

"So are we gonna see her anymore?"

"No, Dean, we're not." My dad said, and my eyes began to get watery along with my dad's.

"C'mere." He said, arms opening wide.

I walked over to the chair he sat in and sat down on his lap.

"It's just you, Sam, and me now, buddy... we got to stick together, okay?"

"Okay." I nodded

"We're family, and family sticks together, Dean. Always remember that and abide by it."

I nodded.

I learned later on that family didn't always share blood.

When Sam was 'okayed' we left.

Dad, Sammy, and I all headed out to the Impala; I held Sammy tightly in my arms in the back seat.

We all headed to a motel and dad dropped Sam and me off.

"Wait here and don't open the door for anyone but me, got it?"

I nodded and he left.

He came back the next day with 2 duffels full of things.

"I managed to get some things that weren't burnt of yours, mine, and your brothers." Dad said.

We stayed in that motel for 4 weeks.

One night dad came home and began packing up everything in the motel room.

"Dean, get your brother and go sit in the car." I followed his directions.

Dad came out minutes later with everything we owned thrown in some duffels and he threw them in the trunk, then went to the driver's seat and sat down, closing the door.

"Dad, where are we going?" I asked as the engine revved.

He looked back at me and answered.

"Hunting."

Sam's POV:

I don't remember much from that night.

I only remember what my nightmares have made me see, and I wish I didn't even know that much.

The only other things I know are the things that Dean told me.

I found out, years later, who all my black, mysterious characters were.

The yellow-eyed man was the yellow-eyed demon.

The woman that was forced up the wall and killed was my mother.

The other man who screamed and grabbed me was my dad.

And the one who took me out of the house was my brother, Dean.


	3. Childhood

Chapter 3 : Childhood

Dean's POV:

Growing up was odd. I didn't have much.

My dad, brother and I always moved around from city to city, state to state hunting down a demon. I knew about demons at the ripe age of 9 and my dad and I both decided to hide it from Sammy – try to keep his innocence in tact as long as possible.

Since dad was always gone, that left me to watch Sam. He and I grew closer that way – it left us dependent on each other.

He would always complain about how school separated us, and personally, I didn't much like it either.

I remember running around with my friends at recess and Sam always wanting to join.

"Can I play, too?" He'd ask.

Other kids my age would snort, acting too cool for school.

"No, you're just a baby." One had said.

I was in fourth grade when that happened, and fourth grade was the first time I'd ever been sent home due to fighting.

My childhood had few memorable moments, given it kind of coordinated with the rest of my life.

Moved around a lot. Ate fast food. Got into fights. Hung out with Sammy.

Any moment I had as a child that I remember and cherish was shared with my Sammy.

That was the nice thing about my childhood.

Although I _knew _about demons I hadn't started helping on hunts till high school.

During our young years, Sam and I weren't fully aware of the dangers of the world. The cruelty. The evil.

Dad was always overprotective. He'd told me to 'Be careful', 'Protect Sam', and 'Never let you guard down' more times than I could count.

On my 11th birthday, my dad had given me my first knife.

"Take it with you everywhere you go. Protect yourself. This is my lucky knife, so take care of it." My dad said. It was the closest he and I had ever come to a 'moment.'

I remember one night in particular.

It was some night in some state. It was freezing outside and the room Sam and I were sharing was enveloped in the cold.

Sam and I lay on a frozen mattress – our dad was out hunting again.

Sam was shivering on the other side of the bed, so I called to him.

"Sam?" Sam flipped over and looked at me. "C'mere." I said.

Sam eagerly crawled into my arms, closing the foot or two of space the previously separated us.

I held his cold body tightly to mine, trying to warm him up. I had covers over our head, trying to preserve any and all the heat we could.

When morning came I looked down at my brother, asleep and barely visible with the sunlight breaking through the thin blanket.

That morning was probably the first time I had ever realized that my little brother, Sam, was... beautiful.

I was probably 12 when that happened and I swore to keep my thoughts a secret from Sam... he didn't need to know his older brother was a creep.

Sam's POV:

My childhood probably couldn't be compared to anyone else's.

Well, beside my brother, Dean's.

It's weird... any things I remember from being young all involve Dean. I mean, I _remember _wondering where dad was and when he was gonna come home, but I really don't remember him being around.

I remember Dean always defending me in any and _every _thing we did. Given, he, himself, basically _tackled _me on a daily basis.

Dean would never admit it, but when we were younger he wanted to be a wrestler.

I'd catch him staying up late to watch WWE and occasionally I would see him try to mimic the moves and then try them on me.

He'd never told me that, but I knew.

I always tried to appease to that wish of his once I realized his dream. As we got older, his desire faded, so I would occasionally try to reignite that spark by watching a wrestling match with Dean in the room or starting a match of my own with him.

But as the years passed and Dean hardened, he lost interest in any world besides hunting, almost acting as if there weren't any.

I always dreamed.

I wanted to be an astronaut. Then a veterinarian.

So many things crossed my mind – not one of my dreams, though, was to be a 'hunter.'

I told my dad this once, and he basically screamed at me.

"Hunting is in the blood, Sam! And we still haven't found what killed your mother. Just, just don't be thinking like that. I forbid it."

I was only about 12 when that happened. I had joined on some simple, fairly safe (or as safe as hunting demons can be) hunts with my brother and dad but I hadn't yet been revealed to the true evil and terror.

And when that horror was revealed, I wanted out even more.

Watching so many innocent people die was terrorizing. I could only take so much until normalcy grew so appealing that I began to fantasize on a daily basis what my life would be like when I could finally break the shell that was hunting and begin a life I could _live _in. A life that I could be _me _in. Where I could be safe and not fear the dark.

I realized later on that you could never _leave _the hunting world.

Part of me never wanted to leave my brother though. I was too attached to him.

During our wrestling matches I always felt... weird. My young mind couldn't process what these feelings were, so they were left alone to be discovered later.

That was the scariest part about me trying to leave the life. What if I left Dean with it? I didn't think I could stand it. I craved normalcy but I craved Dean too.

I didn't want to think about a life without Dean.


	4. Teen-hood

Chapter 4 : Teen Hood

Dean's POV:

Being a teenager was... different.

Regular student by day, demon-hunting trained killer by night.

I never made any close friends really... I mean, when I arrived at a new school people would swarm me because, let's admit it, I'm pretty damn sexy.

But, I kept myself closed. I might've had sex with a chick here or there but no _serious _relationships emerged.

Hell, the word '_relationship' _alone was a scary prospect that I was in no mood to explore.

Ever.

Of course, like any human being would, I got attached to a woman every once in a blue moon.

But my feelings, if they happened to arise, were always squashed soon after.

The secret. The big family secret got in the way.

So, I tried once to tell a girl and she called me crazy. So that was a no go...

I was usually very cool with the ladies – outgoing even.

But the one person I ever had _true _feelings for, the one that _knew _every sick and twisted thing about and me and _still _loved me, was my brother.

The worst part, was that these 'feelings' were less than brotherly... it made me feel sick to think about him like that but I couldn't help it.

He still, even at the age of 14, got scared sometimes.

And with the things we knew, who could blame him?

And when he did get scared, I would hold him all the same.

His head would sneak into the crook of my neck. His body would curl into mine.

It was nice to protect to him – to keep the demons at bay for a short period of time.

My brother was the only one that has ever truly _meant _anything to me and it's been that way since we were little.

But, my dad and I had formed a better relationship.

Sam was slowly removed from dad's 'favorite category' and I was slowly moved in.

The more Sam talked about moving away and having a normal life the more him and dad fought leaving a huge strain in their relationship. He didn't remember mom so he could only be so connected and loyal to a dead women he doesn't really know. Dad didn't understand that, but I kinda did, you know?

I, on the other hand, was _very _loyal to my mother. I was as dead set on finding her killer as dad was.

I remembered her though.

These facts brought my dad and me closer together – I was the son he could talk about his late wife to.

After receiving this attention and respect I craved it more and more throwing me deeper into the hunting world. Everything _was _interesting – but to be the favorite for once was so amazing and I wanted so badly to keep my place. Thus, in doing this, I became absolutely committed, and dare I say, addicted to the hunt.

My dad still didn't like us cussing, but by my junior year of high school, he and I had become so much closer and he and I actually cussed _together. _He gave me _beer. _

Sam was not as fortunate as the only reactions him and dad shared were fights. Sam had always thought that I sided with dad, but truthfully, I didn't side.

I wanted Sam to stay, but I knew in him doing so my feelings – my _disgusting _feelings – would only grow and one day they would burst. And when that day came, I dubbed that the day I lost my brother forever because he would think I was freak.

But, hell... I am, aren't I?

Sam's POV:

My teenage years were the worst.

My dad and I were always fighting.

And worse? My brother, my own goddamn _brother, _didn't even side with me.

My brother who was supposed to protect me, support me, _love _me, had chosen dad over me.

And it stung like a bitch.

I fucking _hated _it.

Dean was the only person I could talk to in the whole world and I had lost him.

But not only was Dean my brother, he was the person I was beginning to fall in love with from a _whole _different perspective.

A much more disturbing perspective.

Of course I'd never tell him. If I thought that I had lost him now, telling him my little 'secret' would get me a punch to the face and a kick out of his life.

He would hate me, and I could not stand to have my _brother _hate me.

It would break me in a place that shouldn't be able to be broken by a brother. A place deep in my heart reserved for him, but not as my brother, as my love.

I knew it was gay and gross and _wrong _but I couldn't help it.

I felt so guilty when I was around him.

I would think about the fact that I _so _badly wanted to lean over and just kiss him.

As the fights with my dad got worse and the end of high school grew near, I had made a decision.

I couldn't stand fighting with my dad every day, much less Dean taking his side, so I decided that I would apply for colleges.

My first choice was to major in law at Stanford.

I did this all in secret, not wanting the fight of a lifetime, especially if I didn't even get in.

It hurt to think about the fact that I was leaving Dean, _my _Dean.

But he and I had grown farther apart and my feelings weren't lessening any, so I decided it would be best for _everyone _if I left.

It was scary – a life without Dean there to protect me. But I just needed to grow up.

Of course, I knew with my new life the demons wouldn't just disappear. I would stay prepared. Knifes and such always handy, but I needed a 'break'.

So I mailed my application.


	5. Realization

Chapter 5 : Realization

Dean's POV:

I guess I kinda always knew, but the moment it hit – the moment I _really _knew, was when, in Sam's junior year of high school, he began to date this girl.

Hell, I don't remember her name. I think it started with an S or a D maybe...

He just seemed to really like her and shit and it honestly bugged the ever-loving fuck out of me.

I mean, seriously? This girl hung on him like a lifeline – it was fucking disgusting. Revolting, even.

Yuck.

She wasn't even that hot.

The realization hit me as I pondered this. _Am I jealous? _

I was.

And it was because of _her. _I was jealous of _her. _She was touching Sam and kissing Sam and – long story short, this bitch needed to keep her paws, and other _body parts, _OFF of Sam.

I felt grossed out about myself. Like, really? I'm in love with my fucking _brother? _I want to _fuck _my _brother?! _

Not right. Not right at all. But, what in my life _was _right? How weird would it be if I fell in love with some normal girl?

So let's play a trick on me, aye? Not only do we make the person I fall in love with not _normal, _let's make them a man too. And hell, why we're at it, let's make _him _my fucking _brother! _

I felt like a creep. What would Sam say?

What would Sam _do?_

I couldn't imagine.

So many different ways this could go.

Good, bad, weird, ugly, amazing, awkward, horrifying, and even okay.

But it was unpredictable – and I liked to be filled in on what's happening, where, why, how, and with who. Every detail needs to be mapped till the end for me to be comfortable. But Sam was a variable – he could change suddenly. And with such a far range of ways this could possibly go, I was unwilling to sacrifice.

Then I thought – what would dad say?

Could demons use this against us?

Would this make us stronger?

Will this make us weaker?

Will it affect our work?

What if we don't work out?

What will this do to our relationship?

What happens if we _do _work out?

So many questions with not a single answer.

So much on the line. So much to gain – so much to lose.

But I knew I would explode soon. Sam was growing up more and more every day and with each of those days he also became more and more _attractive. _

I tried to distance myself. If I got too close to him I'd blow my cover – and I couldn't let that happen.

I couldn't do that to Sam. I couldn't put our whole relationship on the line and make Sam be the one who has to add the weights, you know?

I hated being stuck in a rut like this. There was nothing I could do.

But, truth be told, I love him.

I really love him.

Sam's POV:

I fell in love when I saw him sleeping.

Weird, I know. But the whole thing is weird so fuck it.

I was awake one night while Dean slept. I walked over to the bed to lay down and I looked at him – really looked at him.

I'd had a crush on my brother since I was in 1st grade and my brother was in 4th and he beat up some big kids that were being assholes.

And, of course, I knew my brother was attractive. I mean, he was to me, but with the girls at school I heard about it more than I saw it and I fucking _live _with him.

Anyways, he was fast asleep, and the window was cracked so the moon barely lit up Dean's face. But as my eyes adjusted I could clearly make out his features.

Seeing him so peaceful and happy made me smile. I wanted so badly to reach over and stroke his face – his hair.

It made me think thoughts about my brother that shouldn't _ever _be thought.

Gross, weird, nasty thoughts.

But to see my brother so calm like this – to see him finally happy and relaxed... it made me fall hard.

It made me realize that Dean did have a softer side – a side that was rarely (if ever) seen. I wanted to explore that side so badly. I wanted to know more about it.

But to want something is dangerous.

And in this case, life-altering.

But... _seeing _him like _this. _How could you not fall in love?

His soft skin and hair illuminated by ghostly moonlight; his face, for once, at ease and calm.

It was mesmerizing and beautiful.

And I wanted to call him 'mine'.

_Freak. _

I was acting like such a girl, but I couldn't help it.

Since that night, I'd grown addicted to watching Dean sleep.

I'm already messed up and weird as fuck, what've I got to lose?

I watched him almost every night.

Sometimes it soothed me; it helped me feel the calmness and easiness that was currently expressed on Dean's face.

It had always been that way. Whatever Dean's mood, mine would always match.

If he felt unsafe or scared – I did too. If he was angry – I would follow.

Dean knew this too, that's why his guard was always up. He didn't want to hurt me.

_Typical. _

Sometimes I'd watch him for a couple of minutes. Sometimes an hour.

I came so close to touching him.

And sometimes I would...

When I knew, knew for a _fact, _that Dean deeply asleep I would gently stroke his face. I would, ever so softly, touch his hair and his warm, naked back or chest.

It was like heroin for me.

Some days it'd be all I'd think about. My anticipation for the following night would be intense. 

I wanted my brother.

I wanted my brother to be more than my brother.

I wanted my brother to be my lover.


	6. Confessions

Chapter 6 : Confessions

Dean's POV:

The tension had been high between me and Sam for months now. Mine was caused by my hidden lust, but I didn't know about what caused his.

Did he know? Had he figured out? How?! I'd been so careful...

One night Sam and I sat in our motel room. Dad had just been to the room and said that he'd be gone for a week and threw a couple of 20 dollar bills on the counter.

We sat on the couch watching T.V.

It was dark and the moon was shining so brightly. It made Sam's face look... well... beautiful.

I was 20 and he had just turned 17.

We sat in silence, the tension thick for some reason.

I wasn't wearing a shirt because we hadn't done laundry in a while and neither was Sam.

His defined abs were practically _begging _to be licked, by _me _of course.

God. Why was my _brother _so goddamn _sexy?_

"Sam, change the channel. This is boring as hell." I said.

"No, I like this show." Sam shot.

I gave him a dirty look. "Give me the _fucking _remote."

"_No._"

Sam and I had been on edge lately, what with Dad and his constant fighting and him believing that _I _was taking dad's side – which was complete and utter _bullshit, _by the way.

"That's it." I replied, and I tackled him.

At first we just kind of moved on the couch, Sam trying to keep the remote away from me with his fucking _tree _arms and me just reaching for it.

We ended up rolling onto the floor and the remote was forgotten – now we were pissed.

The tension was cut and anger was spilled.

"You're such an asshole!" Sam shouted.

"Why can't you quit being such a jackass to dad, huh?"

"There you go again! Picking his fucking side!" We were punching and kicking and rolling all over the place.

Nothing _too _damaging – I wasn't gonna hurt my Sammy.

"I'm not picking a side, you fucker, you've just been a _bitch _lately!"

"I'm so sick of you, Dean! You _always _side with dad, and you know it! That's cause you agree!"

"Damn right I agree! You're being a selfish fucking bitch and it's annoying as fuck! You're being immature and a fucking ass! You're being a _dick!_"

"I fucking _hate _you!" Sam yelled and pushed me off of him.

I stared kinda shocked for a moment. _Hate? HATE?! _

Even growing up we'd never said we'd hated each other.

Sure we got pissed off at each other all the fucking time, but _hate? _

I just stood and began walking to the bed.

Sam saying that he _hated _me stung like a bitch, but I wasn't going to tell him that.

Sam's POV:

_Shit. Shit. Shit!_

"Dean?" I yelled after him. "Come on, man. You know I didn't mean it."

I was just angry. I could never truly _hate _Dean. Ever.

Dean lay down and closed his eyes, obviously trying to hide the fact he was hurt.

I kneeled down next to him and looked at his face. His eyes were still closed, but I could tell he knew I was now next to him.

"Dean?"'

"What?" he spat, not opening his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean it. You know I don't hate you."

Dean's eyes snapped open, green, piercing irises staring at me. "How would I know that? You've been nothing but indifferent to me lately. It's like I'm not even your brother."

I couldn't help it.

I reached up and caressed my brothers' softly shaved face.

He tensed for a moment, then, ever so slightly, leaned into it.

"Dean. I'm sorry. I don't hate you. I could _never _hate you." I looked him straight in the eye.

During my confession, I'd gotten closer and closer to his face, my hand still caressing it.

"Dean, I – I..." I didn't finish, because soft plump lips came crashing down onto mine.

Dean's large, rough hands cupped my face and pulled me closer.

I responded immediately, my mouth moving in synch with his.

I got off my knees and ended up bent over Dean on the bed, still kissing him passionately.

I was roughly pulled down on top of him, my body covering his in the sweetest way.

Our legs intertwined and our bare chests slithered across each other's.

Dean's hands began to wander down my naked back, eliciting goose bumps and small moans from me.

Dean swiftly rolled over so he was on top, straddling me deliciously.

"So sorry, Dean." I mumbled.

"S'okay, baby." Dean replied.

_Baby. _His pet name sent a shockwave of electricity through my body.

I've wanted this for so long, and now I finally have it.

And it was heaven. Absolute heaven.

Dean's hands crept under my jeans to cup my bare ass softly. It felt so good. _So _good.

I pushed my ass down into his grabby hands and he squeezed even harder, even better.

All the while, our kiss never broke.

Finally, when air was _absolutely _necessary, we broke apart.

Dean stared down at me while I stared up at him.

His hands trailed back around to my front, caressing my stomach and pecs.

My hands, on their own accord almost, found themselves stroking his chest as well. I couldn't get enough of him.

"Finally." I mumbled.

"What, baby?" Dean said.

"Finally." I repeated, pulling him down for another kiss.

After another 2 or 3 minutes, we broke again.

"How long?" He asked.

"Since I was like, 7 maybe. You?"

"12." Dean replied.

_So basically at the same time... _I thought. _So many years wasted... thinking I was a total creep for loving my brother and thinking Dean would hate me if I knew... and he felt the same. _

Dean rolled off me and wrapped his arms around me.

"What are we gonna do, Dean?" He knew what I meant.

"Stick together."

"Always?" I asked, apprehensively.

"Always."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Sammy."


	7. Fighting

Chapter 7 : Fighting

Dean's POV:

My dad and I were sitting at the kitchen table in our dingy motel, researching a case, when Sam walked in.

"Guys..." He began. "We need to talk about something."

Dad and I gave each other a look. _'What the hell is about to happen?'_

"A few months ago, I applied for some colleges..." I saw dad tense. He glared at Sam with so much anger – it radiated off of him. "One of the colleges I applied for was Stanford. They decided to give me a scholarship. I'm preparing to major in law..."

If this was a cartoon, the steam would be whistling out of my dad's ears.

"I'm already packed... I leave tomorrow morning." Sam mumbled.

Dad broke.

"What?!" He shouted. "How many times have I told you, Sam? You stick with your family. Me and Dean. And now you're leaving us for _college?! _What? Do you think you can go to _Stanford _and pretend that you don't know of all the fucking _demons?! _The _monsters?! _Do you think that leaving will make them _disappear?! _I got news for you Sam! That's not how this works.

"And how prepared can you be when you're not focused on the hunt? When you're focused on school work and parties your guard will be down. You're already a target, Sam! You being out there on your own with no protection, no back-up, no _nothing! _Your ass will be dead in a _month!_" Dad screamed.

"I am _NOT _a child anymore, _dad. _You _raised _me to take care of my own goddamn self. I'm fucking _sick _of this lifestyle." _Are you sick of me, Sam? _I thought. "I _hate _hunting demons. And newsflash, Dad. You've been hunting this fucking 'Yellow-Eyed Demon' for 16 _years! _You haven't caught it yet, so I doubt you'll be catching it anytime soon! You're wasting your life! And you know what, waste your life all you want, Dad, but you are _not _wasting mine!" Sam retorted.

"So, what's your plan?! You're gonna go to Stanford, get a _degree, _marry some _oblivious _woman and have 2 kids, a house, a white picket fence, and some office job?! You really think that you can just _stop _this and _change EVERYTHING?! _You think that you have a _choice!? _Sam, you will be in so much danger with distractions like that when there's already a target on you and your brothers' backs. You can't just _drop _this life and pretend it never happened. What are you gonna do, Sam, when someone asks you about your family? Your childhood? Your whole fucking _life?! _Lie? You don't want to 'waste' your life helping people and avenging your mom, you would prefer to 'live' your life as a whole fucking _lie!?" _

"It'd be a whole hell of a lot better than being _here!"_ Sam screamed.

Dad looked a bit taken back, but quickly recouped. "Fine." He said in an eerily calm tone. "Go ahead. Leave. But if you leave, don't think about coming back – you won't be welcomed."

I knew things with dad and Sam had been tense and awful lately, and Sam _still _thought I took dad's side, but I didn't know that Sam had applied for colleges... Why hadn't he told me?

Was his and I's relationship merely a fling? Nothing serious?

I hate chick flick moments with a bloody passion but... I don't think I could stand it if he left.

"Fine!" Sam yelled.

And he left.

Took his duffel and walked right out of the room.

Sam's POV:

I'm happy to have finally said my peace but... Dean.

I already miss him.

The sucky part, too, was that I was walking out of one dingy motel to walk right into another given it was so late at night.

I found the only other motel in the town we were in and got a room.

I headed straight for the bed.

Dean. I want my Dean.

About an hour later I heard a knock on my door.

I opened it and Dean stood there, pissed off as fuck.

"Really? Are you fucking _kidding _me?" He said.

"Dean, let me explain-"

"Fuck you! Did I not mean a goddamn _thing!? _You were just gonna leave? Leave _me?! _And not even fucking _tell _me?! 'Surprise, Dean. We're fucking _through! _Hope you don't mind!'? Was that what was gonna happen?"

"No Dean, I-"

"You know what, fuck it. This was only a stage – you want your apple pie lifestyle so bad? Well now you have it. Go to Stanford. Meet a _girl. _Have _kids. _Buy a _fucking_ house! And when you tuck those kids in at night you'll know the _real _meaning behind 'Don't let the bed bugs bite.' And when they think something's in their closet, who's to say there _isn't?! _But you know what? Fine. Forget about me. Go _live. _Have _fun. _Hope your apple pie is fucking worth it!"

"Dean!" I finally interjected.

"What?" He asked haughtily.

"I still lo-"

"Don't you fucking say it. Don't you _dare _fucking say it. I don't want to hear it. It doesn't mean anything to me, because it's not true. You were gonna leave. Your duffel was packed, your shoes were on, and your speech was ready. You were ready to go, and you were going to leave me here. And you know what? That's fine. Good for you. Try your best to 'get out' of the 'life'. But I'm staying."

"But... but you promised, Dean. You promised 'always'." I said shakily, traitor tears welling in my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah I did." He responded.

"Then why – Then you can't-"

"I'm not, Sam. _You _broke 'always'." He said, his eyes downcast. "You were the one that planned to leave. To leave me."

"Not you, Dean! Not you!"

Dean looked at me, not believing me for a second.

"Dean, I-"

"Save it." Dean said. "Bye, Sam." Dean said as he turned to leave.

"Dean!" I tried.

"Goodbye."

And he was gone.


	8. Stanford

Just for OptimusPrimeAddict. :) Your review made me giddy. Thank You.

Chapter 8 : Stanford

Dean's POV:

When Sam left, I closed.

Dad even noticed my moodiness. But he couldn't comment – he was mad too.

We had different _reasons, _of course, but dad was _livid. _

It had been about 7 months since Sam left, and dad and I had just fallen into a boring routine.

I missed him _so _much, but I wasn't gonna go fetch him and grovel and shit.

I did agree with dad.

What Sam did was selfish and I couldn't forgive him at this point.

It was kinda scary thinking about him being out of my life _forever, _but as of now I was _not _caving.

So I guess I was just gonna sit and wait.

But I couldn't... I just couldn't _leave _him _completely _alone, so I would drive by in the Impala every once in a while.

I didn't know where he was living – besides the fact that I knew it was on campus (since he had told dad and I about his full ride).

I made sure there wasn't anything suspicious or eerie happenings in the town or around the campus. I wanted to make sure that my ass of a brother was still safe, and if there was anything I would exterminate of it quietly.

Occasionally, if I drove by during the day and it happened to be a passing period, I would see him. It was rare but in the 4 years we didn't see each other, I checked on him maybe every 4 months or so and I only ended up seeing him 6 times.

I never let him know I was there. I made sure to keep my distinctive car under wraps and hidden from his view.

Sometimes I couldn't resist and I would get out of the car and get as close as I could (without being discovered) and just watch.

Of course I still loved him. But I was angry. _So _angry.

I didn't know how we could possibly resolve this. Someone would have to cave and I knew, sure as hell, that it wouldn't be me.

I was still angry at him and I knew I would be until he apologized.

But I wasn't _just _mad because he left. I was furious because he left _me _too.

But we were over, and I, as any man, still needed my release. Of course it was never the same. It wasn't the way _Sam _had felt. But I needed to forget, at least temporarily, so I fucked a few random chicks.

It wasn't the best life. It wasn't fun. It wasn't fulfilling. But I kept thinking, _'This is temporary. He'll come back to you. We made a promise.'_

During the second year he was gone I began to see him hanging around this girl.

I didn't know her name or anything, but I saw the way they interacted.

She was very adamant on PDA. She would kiss him, touch him, and whisper in his ear.

It would make my hands tighten into fists and my jaw would clench.

I knew we were 'broken up' and everything, but I always kinda figured we find our ways back to each other.

They continued dating.

It felt like betrayal; like he was cheating on me or something. You know?

He said before he left (though I didn't let him finish) that he still loved me. Was that just a lie? Just a ploy to avoid fighting, maybe?

Was it all just a phase of boredom? An experiment?

These thoughts made me steam.

We said some harsh words – things we really didn't mean – but I always thought we'd circle back around to each other.

Sam's POV:

I arrived at Stanford by bus. Given my full ride I didn't have to pay for anything.

Most dads would be ecstatic to have their son get a full scholarship to college. Mine kicked me out.

It was a sick and twisted turn.

I missed my brother already, but I was _not _turning back now. I had to go through with this. I had something to prove and going back to my dad and my brother would throw it all away.

I got a dorm with a boy named Caleb. He was pretty cool.

As school continued, I found a girl name Jess.

She was...pretty.

Her hair was a little too light, her eyes a little too dull, and her skin a little too tan. She was a little too short, and freckles were replaced with moles.

She wasn't Dean, and she never would be. But I could believe; I could forget for a while.

But damn I missed him. I considered, so many times, just going _home. _Dean was my home, and I was a dog astray.

But my point – my _pride – _they would be damaged. I couldn't let my dad win like that. I needed to prove that I could live on my own and protect myself.

I made friends and began to form a new life. I made sure that I was always protected though. I made a point to keep my mind sharp – another thing to prove to my dad.

But I still loved Dean. I missed him and I missed hunting with him.

It was torture to be away from him, but what else could I do?

I was NOT caving... but I didn't know how Dean and I were gonna work this out.

This was, by far, the hugest fight Dean and I had ever had and I didn't know how to solve it.

We'd never fought as a couple so that made this even _more _complicated.

There was no advice for something of this sort online, probably because this was kind of a first time event.

Demon hunting brothers who fall in love and one leaves for a normal life leaving himself lonely.

Nothing.

I continued on with my life praying to find a way to rekindle with my brother.

I still loved him, and I knew I always would.


	9. Meeting Again

AN: I know this different than how it happened in the show but it's the same basic outcome. :)

Chapter 9 : Meeting Again

Dean's POV:

About 7 months ago my dad had gone hunting and never came back.

I tried looking for him after about 2 months (the longest he'd ever gone M.I.A.).

I couldn't find him anywhere and after 7 months of obliviousness I was growing genuinely worried.

I began to think... should I tell Sam? I mean... he and dad might've left on bad terms but if dad was hurt or missing he'd still wanna know... right?

So I debated with myself for a few months and finally, after dad had been gone for a year and Sam had been at Stanford for 5 I finally decided to pay Sam a little visit and fill him in on my predicament.

Sam's POV:

It was late one night and Jessica and I were in our apartment, sleeping, when my, still _very aware _hunter's mind, heard a noise downstairs.

I grabbed a bat from under the bed and headed downstairs stealthily.

I suddenly saw a figure by the refrigerator in the kitchen and then he suddenly heard me too.

I swung the bat at him, but he caught it and threw it down. We began hand-to-hand combat and ended up wrestling on the floor.

A few punches and kicks were thrown, but the ones from this mystery person were minimal – as if he wasn't really _trying _to hurt me.

He finally let me pin him down and with the moonlight streaming through the window, I saw who it was.

"Dean?" I asked, surprised.

"Hey baby brother." He said, a sly, crooked smile plastered on his face.

Damn. He was more beautiful then I remembered.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Well,-"

All of the sudden Jess appeared at the bottom of the stairs. "Sam? What's goin on?" She slurred.

I saw Dean tense, and it made me inwardly smile. _He still loves me. _

He quickly recouped though. "Who's this?" He asked.

"Dean, this is Jess. Jess, this is my brother Dean." I said, jaw clenched. I had always hated it when Dean flirted with other people – always had and probably always will.

"Well, _hello _Jess." A smirk appeared on Dean's face.

_Ass. _

Jess blushed immensely but tried to act disgusted for my sake.

"What do you want, Dean."

"It's about dad." He said.

I began to boil, anger rising in me.

"What about him?"

Dean threw Jess a look. "It's a family matter."

"Anything you can say to me can be said in front of Jess." I tried confidently, wrapping a weak arm around my girlfriend.

Dean tensed again. I was angry again. If he was about to say that dad missed me and wanted me to come home and shit I would punch him.

"Dad been gone for a while."

"So?" I said. "He always does that."

"For a year?"

"Well..."

"He was _hunting._" Dean emphasized.

Now I was worried. I didn't _hate _my dad. Never did, so if something was wrong I wanted to know.

"Jess... go back to bed."

"Okay." She said sleepily.

When she was gone, Dean and I went outside to talk.

"Why'd you wait this long to tell me? It's been a _year?!" _I whisper-yelled.

"I'm so _sorry. _You two didn't end on the best of terms, so I decided to wait till I felt it was necessary. I looked for him for a while and I figured after a year maybe you'd want to know."

"No shit!"

"Bitch." Dean mumbled.

"Well you-"

All of the sudden the fire alarms went off. I rushed upstairs to see Jess pinned to the ceiling and flaming.

"Shit!" I yelled.

"Fuck!" Dean followed.

Weirdly enough... I wasn't all that upset. I mean, of course I was upset but it didn't feel like I'd lost someone I loved.

We ran outside and I called 911.

I ran inside to get a duffel full of my shit before the cops got there, avoiding looking at the burning ceiling.

When the police arrived, the apartment was too engulfed in flames for them to recover any person or evidence.

Dean and I drove to the highway and pulled off on to a secluded road and parked.

"That's how mom died." I mumbled. "Do you think it was the same demon?"

"Yeah. I know it was." Dean replied angrily.

"What are we gonna do?" I asked.

"I'm gonna find dad and we're gonna kill that thing."

"Alright." I replied, kind of disappointed. I missed my brother, I wanted to run up to him and kiss him the first time we met again after 5 years – not do... _this. _

There was an awkward silence.

I began to open the car door again to leave but Dean grabbed my arm and stopped me.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"Well you said that – well, it's just..."

"No, you're coming with me. This thing has found you now; you're not safe. I am _not _leaving you here unprotected. Got it?" He said finally.

That was so hot.

This was the Dean I remember. This was the Dean I still love.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"We're gonna find dad first."

"How?"

"I don't know..." He said. "We're gonna stop at a motel and pick this up tomorrow."

"Alright." I said.

Dean and I made no move that night to share a bed. We were keeping our distance and didn't mention anything about our 'relationship'.

We were keeping this professional.

And I hated it.

When we woke up the next morning Dean made some calls.

He then found that on our way to where we thought dad was, there was a case.

He decided it would be wrong to just pass people needing our help like that so we decided to stop and help.

When we finished that case, I realized we were still a good team.

But Dean was still acting cold.


	10. Found Him

Chapter 10 : Found Him

Dean's POV:

A month or two passed while Sam and I tried to find dad. We worked cases all along the way.

One case of ours was what finally led us to our father.

_We had driven into town late one night, discovering a case earlier that sounded like something dad would investigate. _

_We had found ourselves back in Lawrence, Kansas – our hometown. _

_The house Sam and I had lived in had lived in had been moved into by a woman and her 2 children. _

_We had heard because she had called the police in a panic with complaints of 'strange noises' and 'creepy things happening'. _

_It had been made the joke of the town and had managed to find its way to the internet. _

_The town though, had a history, and Sam and I (given our profession) believed her instantly. _

_We drove to town in a hurry, but we were in Nevada so we had a long way to go. _

_Sam and I had to stop multiple times. _

_When we stopped for the first time on our trip to Kansas, I, as per usual, asked the manager person working the desk if we could have a room with two beds. _

_Every time I asked, I got deflated. _

_I _wanted _to be with Sam again, _so _bad, but... I didn't know if he was gonna leave again once we found dad. And worry made me cold. _

_Plus, my trust for him was down, and I could tell he noticed during our hunts. _

_He knew that I was more dependent on myself and not as accepting of our partnership. _

_We went to our room together and I could tell Sam was down, but I felt as if I didn't have the right to ask why. _

_It's like we weren't even brothers anymore. And it sucked. _

_I missed him. I missed _us. _But I was a dude, and dudes don't talk like that. _

_I hated being this distant though, but what could I do? I didn't know how to... 'talk it out'. _

_I am a GUY. I am NOT having chick-flick moments – screw that. _

_Sam and I will figure it out... eventually. _

_The car rides were brutal, too. _

_We had to sit less than a foot away from each other for hours on end. _

_I was so used to before Stanford. _

_I don't know why, but I kinda hoped we could all just pretend it didn't happen – but even _I _couldn't do that. It had hurt too much. _

_I was used to, when in the car (alone) with Sam, he would snuggle up to me. And, fuck, I do NOT use the word snuggle. _

_But I missed it. _

_We were so tense and indifferent to each other – it was killing me. _

_I was always hyper-aware of him though. Any time any skin was accidently shown, my senses would zoom in. _

_My senses were all still the same, it's just some unconscious reactions just had to be ignored. _

_I still felt the incessant need to protect him, it still bugged me when people flirted with him in public, and I still was highly aware of all of Sam's behavior given it, usually, so greatly affected mine. _

_We, finally, arrived in Kansas. _

_Our first stop was a motel given we rode into town at 2 in the morning. _

"_One room, two beds please." I asked. _

"_Alright." And I was given a key. _

_We went to our room and took our respective beds and fell fast asleep._

_When morning came we decided to try a new strategy when talking to this women, since it used to be our house. _

_This wasn't just another case. _

_When we finally knocked on the door, a blonde woman answered. _

"_Hi, um, I'm Sam Winchester and this is my brother, Dean." _

"_Sam? Dean? Are you the boys that used to live in this house?" She asked._

"_Y-yeah, how'd you know?" Sam asked, confused. _

"_I found a whole bunch of pictures of you and your family down in the basement when I was cleaning." _

"_Oh."_

"_Yeah, your father was here just a day or so ago." She said, assuming that this was a planned and coordinated trip with our father. _

_It was not. _

"_Our father? He was here?" She nodded, now wondering why we didn't know. Or how, for that matter as well. _

"_Yeah, I think he was here maybe two days ago. Said that he just wanted to check out the house. He was saying that when your family lived here there was some weird behavior so he believed me and what I was saying. He had me and my children leave for a night and he and some nice woman, Missouri I think, came and I haven't had any problems since." She said, happiness etching in every word. _

"_Well, I'm happy your problems are all fixed, ma'am." Sam said. _

"_Thank you." _

"_We'll be going then." _

"_Come back if you'd like. Your father was very nice." She smiled. _

"_Alright, thank you." _

_And we left. _

_As we walked away, I whispered to Sam, "Missouri. Dad had mentioned her before, but I always thought he was talking about the state. We need to find her. We need to talk to her." _

_Sam agreed and we went back to motel to find a phone book. We quickly found the only Missouri in Lawrence and drove to her home. _

_When we knocked on the door she answered and immediately with an expectant look on her face. _

"_Dean, Sam. How you boys been?" She asked. _

"_Missouri? Where's our dad?" I asked. _

_A look of remorse and sadness crossed her face. _

"_Missouri?" I pushed. _

"_Boys, come in and sit down." _

_Sam and I shared a look. This wasn't going to be good. _

_We walked inside and sat down on her couch and stared at her expectantly. _

"_I know you already talked to the woman that now lives in your house. Your father killed one demon not realizing there were two. The second came after him in his motel room and your father... well... he didn't make it. I'm sorry boys." _


	11. Comfort

Chapter 11 : Comfort

Sam's POV:

"D-didn't make it? He's _dead?!"_ I yelled.

Missouri just looked at Dean and me and nodded.

"I called his room and he didn't answer so I went to look and saw what had happened. There was a second demon in the house your father hadn't managed to... exterminate, and it followed him and... well so I saw and I could sense that there was a recent demon killing, so I'm pretty sure he managed to send it back to hell but... he was too beaten up after fighting and he just... I guess... passed." She paused. "I'm sorry, boys."

I was frozen.

Dad was dead? _Dead?! _He can't... how could he be... _no_.

He cannot be _dead_. Not with that _fight _being the last conversation between the two of us.

No. That shit was _not _okay.

I looked over at Dean. He was just as struck as I was. But he, as per usual, hid his emotions better.

His jaw was clenched, his fists balled, and his posture tense.

"Let's go, Sam." He said. "Thank you, Missouri."

Dean stood to leave, "But, Dean wh-"

"I'm going out to the car, if you're not there in 2 minutes your ass is walking." And he left.

Missouri looked after Dean. "Poor child." She whispered.

"Missouri, where is his... what did you do...?" I trailed off.

"His body? I wasn't sure if you'd want to do something about him. I knew you'd be here in a day so I checked him out of the motel room and cleaned it and his body is wrapped up in a freezer down stairs. Please, _please_, take him and give him a proper burial... And soon, cause dear _Lord, _I do not enjoy having a _body _in my _basement." _She said.

I couldn't help a chuckle. "Alright, I'll come back for him tonight – but right now I need to go talk to Dean."

"Okay, sugar. See you soon."

I nodded, then left.

I got out to the car to see Dean sitting in the driver's seat, antsy and angry.

I climbed in and as soon as my door clicked closed Dean drove off.

"Dean, we need to talk about-"

"No, Sam. No, we _don't." _He replied.

I waited for a few beats. "Missouri has his body. I'm gonna salt and burn him tonight in a grave then bury him. You in?"

"You in? You _in!? _We're not going to the bar, Sam. We're burying our goddamn _father." _

"You think I don't _know _that. How do you think I feel? The last time we talked we were _fighting _and now he's _dead _and there's _nothing _I can do about it!"

Dean just huffed. A few minutes later he replied. "Yeah, I'm in."

When night came, Dean and I arrived at Missouri's door.

"Hi, boys. He's in the basement."

Once the body was received I turned to Missouri. "Are you coming?"

"No, this is for you and Dean."

"Thank you." I whispered, and she gave me a hug.

Dean and I drove to a field, empty and abandoned.

We dug a hole and lowered dad into it. We were silent for a second, and then Dean splashed the gasoline and salt on him. Dean lit up his lighter – his favorite lighter – and threw it in after a long moment of staring at the flame.

We sat down and waited for the fire to burn out. We sat in silence.

Who knows how long we were there – minutes, hours.

When the fire faded, Dean began to thrust large chunks of dirt back into the hole while I went off on my own to search for two sticks.

I found the perfect two and tied them together with some rope in my pocket making a cross.

Walking back over to Dean, I looked at him.

He was devastated, but he kept it on the down low.

I grabbed my pocket knife and began to carve into the wood.

_John Winchester. _

And that was all I put, and I stuck in the ground at the head of his grave.

I began to help shoveling the remaining dirt into the hole.

We finally finished and Dean immediately started to walk back to the car – an angry pace set.

"Dean." I called. He didn't even respond. He was farther away now, so I cupped my hands around my mouth. "Dean!" I tried again.

I decided that this time, it would be worth it to walk.

I wanted to stay with my father. I needed to stay and talk to him.

Dean disappeared into the forest that separated the field and the road.

I sat down next to the grave, legs crisscrossed. "Hey, dad." I spoke, unsure. "Um, it's me, Sam. Dean was here too but he went back to the car." I was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I left the way I did and left you and Dean and I'm sorry I was such a bad son to you and to mom. I'm sorry that I wasn't what you wanted – I wasn't the son you wanted. I'm sorry dad. I'm so fucking sorry."

I didn't cry. I refused to fucking cry.

"I – I love you, dad." I whispered.

I stretched out to lay down. I don't know how long I lay there but eventually I fell asleep.

When I did wake up, it was still dark outside and I was still lying on the ground, but an arm was around me. I knew they were Dean's. Dean had strong, tan arms that I was very used to.

I turned in the arms to face him. He was asleep as well.

I cuddled into his arms, my face burying itself in his chest.

I entwined my legs with his and his arms tightened around me.

My Dean. Did I finally have my Dean back? Did tragedy bring us back together, finally?

"I missed you." I whispered.

"I missed you too, Sammy."


	12. Not Again

A/N: Okay, I know everybody hates me cause of all the angst and I know y'all are _dying _for some sexy relationship time. I also can't _wait _to write it but I have an outline for the story and were not quite there _yet. _But I promise sexy time it soon! Stick with me, we're almost there. ;)

Chapter 12 : Not Again

Dean's POV:

I couldn't do this again.

This thing with Sam? It would only end in another fucking heartbreak for _me. _

The only reason Sam had come with me was to find dad, and now dad was dead. Where was Sam gonna go now? Back to Stanford?

I was not going to start this whole thing with Sam again only to have _him _throw it away not a week later.

"_Okay, I'm feeling better. Thanks for the sex, it really sped up the healing process. See you later, I gotta get back to my classes." _

Was that what he would say? Or think? Or _do?_

Hell if I knew, and my heart and shit was not being put out on that goddamn line _again. _Hell fucking no.

So as we lay there, fucking cuddling, and I can't help but let the cold take over again. Reason and reality are cruel, but true. So, I retract my arm and stand.

"Come on, let's go." I said.

I could tell Sam knew that I had put my walls back up and he was deflated at my change in mood.

"Okay." He mumbled, standing.

We walked back to the Impala, each of us throwing inconspicuous glances back at the grave.

When we finally reached the car, I kept the distance between us at the maximum.

We drove in silence to the motel.

"What now?" He asked out of the blue.

"As for me, I guess I'm just gonna keep hunting. As for you? Well, that's your decision." I kept my eyes on the road, not daring to look into those fucking hazel eyes.

"I – I wanna stay with _you, _Dean. Can I, can _we-"_

"Sam. We're not gonna talk about this right now."

"You _never _wanna talk about _anything _'personal' or 'girly'."

"That's cause chick-flick moments are not permitted, asshole."

"Whatever. Anyways, Dean I missed you and I didn't mean to leave like I did-"

"Fuck you, Sam. I am not going to be your entertainment for a few months again just so you can leave _again! _No, thank you."

"You _know _you were not my 'entertainment' Dean! You know I had feelings for you but dad and I were fighting all the time and you sided with _dad _and I couldn't take it anymore. I _had _to leave."

"You didn't _have _to do anything! You left on your own damn accord!"

"That's pure and utter _BULLSHIT _and you _know _it!"

"Whatever Sam. I don't wanna talk about it anymore, alright?!"

"Fucking typical!" He scolded.

We kept driving, evident tension and anger filling the car.

I missed him too, _god _I missed him. But I was not willing to go through 'Stanford' again, if you know what I mean.

Sam's POV:

As we sat in the car I was conjuring up a plan.

I needed Dean to know that now I was here for good – I was here for _him._

I wanted my Dean back so goddamn bad but I needed him to trust me again. I needed him to accept the fact that this time I _was _staying – for good.

But how do I do that when he won't fucking _talk?! _

Then I began to think... I needed to manage to get him to accept his own fucking feelings.

But how? How did we _begin _our relationship?

It was a fight – then my apology.

We're already fighting.

That was Plan A. Plan B would be put to the test if need be but I was gonna give Plan A a shot first.

We arrived at the motel room and I threw away my pride and stubbornness.

"Dean," I began. Every word I was about to say was true, but damn I didn't want to look like a pansy. "I-I'm sorry I left like I did. You know all my feelings for you, they were real – not temporary. I missed you Dean, the whole time. It's always been you, Dean." I kinda mumbled.

Dean looked at me, a hint of love in his face. But mixed in with the love was angst, betrayal, and hurt.

3 overrides 1.

"I know, Sammy. But right now? Man, I can't do this again. You're – you're sketchy, you know? I don't know, I mean, I can't predict what you're gonna do next and that kind of uncertainty... it's scary. I can't Sam. Not right now."

Fucking bloody hell.

I just nodded and walked into the shower.

Okay, time for a new plan.

What to do, what to do?

I had been craving Dean for _years _and now he's so _close _and I can't have him? It was torture. But... the fucking worst part is that _I _left _him. _(In a regular relationships eyes anyways.) But this was driving me insane. Being in such close quarters with him and always seeing him every hour of every day was making me antsy.

I couldn't touch him or kiss him or do fucking _anything. _

It's one thing when it's 5 years away from a person that you love and crave and you can't have them, but it's a whole other story when they're right the fuck _there _and you still can't do shit.

So I began to put details into Plan B.

It was a genius plan, if I do say so myself. One that Dean would, no doubt, easily fall into.

I didn't necessarily want to _trick _him into being with me, because I knew he wanted to. It was his hidden abandonment issues and distrust that held him back.

So I began to hatch my full proof plan.

Plan B was to be thrown into action soon.

Very soon.


	13. Plan B

Chapter 13 : Plan B

Dean's POV:

After Sam's apology, I had to restrain myself even _more _from fucking jumping his goddamn bones every time I saw him.

It was actually kind of fucking irritating.

Him, walking around being all fucking _perfect. _Stop it. Just fucking stop. It's not fair.

Tonight we decided to go to a bar just to unwind a bit.

Surprisingly, it was Sam's idea. Usually I'm the one dragging his ass places.

But not tonight. Oh no, tonight it was _all _Sam.

"Come on, Dean! Let's go to a bar."

"You hate bars."

"I _used_ to hate bars. Please?"

"Fine." I'd said.

We were driving over and Sam was acting so goddamn weird... so antsy and anxious. Hell, maybe the boy did need a fucking drink.

When we got there, Sam walked off. And, to be honest, it kinda scared me.

For one, Sam hadn't been apart from me since I'd gone and fetched him from Stanford and he being by himself made me nervous. And two, it felt like he wasn't gonna come back.

But I wouldn't admit to that cause that was pansy as hell.

Anyways, I saw him head over to the bar and order a couple of beers. When they were given to him, the bartender gave him a flirty little smile and Sam, uncharacteristically, flirted _back. _

_Whore. _I thought to myself with a role of my eyes.

A few minutes passed and he was still over there. _What the hell? _

Whatever. He can flirt with whoever he fucking choses.

Like I give two flying fucks.

He and the little slut kept flirting. _Skank. _

I mean really? What's so great about this _bartender? _

_Stop it, Dean. Fucking stop. _

Shit.

I gave a fuck who Sam was flirting with cause Sam was fucking _mine. _

Who did this bitch think she was? Flirting with something that _belongs _to someone _else. _And that 'someone else' wasn't _just _some fucking _person. _It was _me. _And that shit was _not _going to fly.

But, no. Fuck going over there and being a complete idiot and making a fool of myself. Sam could flirt with that hoe, cause as far as anyone else was concerned, I didn't care.

So I went to play pool. Sam and I were needing some more money anyways.

I was hustling pool, as per usual, checking on Sam out of the corner of my eye every 2 minutes or so.

It was like every fucking time I looked at him, he had some other whore on his arm or talking to him.

Since when did Sam turn into such a player?

_Remember, you haven't taking Sam out on the 'scene' or anything in 5 years... _Damn.

Of course I'd taken Sam to bars before he went to Stanford (illegally... but whatever) but I haven't taken him since before.

Was he _always _such a goddamn _flirt? _Shit.

He wasn't _before. _

Damn. What did Stanford _really _do to him?

I didn't know, but I sure as hell didn't like it.

I swear, if _one more whore _grinds up on _my _Sammy, I'll pop a cap in someone's _deserving _ass.

Sam's POV:

It was working. My plan was fucking _working. _

And I was giddy.

Damn straight.

I kept catching Dean's angry eyes.

These girls were really pushing him... but I began to think...

The women were pushing him – he was boiling... but what would make him _spill? _That's the shit I'm aiming for.

A man.

If I flirted with a _man... _maybe that'd speed up this agonizing process.

I've never really _labeled _myself (gay, bi, straight) since my only _real _relationship was Dean... Jess, although she was my girlfriend for a long period of time, never really made an impact on my life. Terrible, I know.

So back to my idea... A man. If I flirted with a _man _would that completely send dear, sweet, agitated as fuck Dean over the edge?

I could only hope.

_Might as well give it a shot. _

I sauntered – or, walked as sexily as a fucking _tree _can – over to the bar.

I looked around, trying to find the most attractive man I could.

I had no plans of my flirtation accomplishing anything more than the final rise out of Dean – I had no intentions of _actually _getting a number or any shit like that from this dude.

Let's keep that in mind.

Walking over to the bar, I chose a man with dark black hair and deep blue eyes. He was partially tan – not overly so – and he had a strong bone structure.

He was, admittedly, fucking gorgeous. But he was _nothing _compared to my Dean.

So I walked over and sat right next to him and ordered a beer.

"Make that two." The guy had asked.

_This is going to be too fucking easy. _

I looked to him. "Hey."

"Hey." He replied, smiling.

"I'm Sam." I replied, shaking his hand.

"Troy." His grip was firm.

I could literally _feel _the burning of Dean's eyes on Troy and me.

_Perfect. _

_This was working like a charm. _

"Never seen you around here." Troy stated, continuing the conversation.

"Yeah. Not from around here."

"Where you from?"

"Lawrence."

"Ahh." He nodded.

We continued to make small talk for a few minutes before it turned deeper.

I told him about my mom and dad and brother.

All of it – unless it was part of my _two _'secrets'.

Finally, after feeling the burning hole from an intense glare begin to completely shred me, I stood.

"Nice talking to you, Troy. But, I gotta go."

I began to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "Wait." He grabbed a pen and wrote down his number on a napkin. "There. Bye, Sam."

"Bye." I replied with a smile and began to walk away.

I walked over to Dean and nodded that I was ready to go.

We went to the car in complete silence.

When we arrived at the motel Dean walked in first. I soon followed. When I turned around to close the door, I was shoved against it violently.

_Here we go. _


	14. Success

A/N: Y'all have been waiting for this. ;)

Chapter 14 : Success

Dean's POV:

I slammed Sam up against the wall, face first, as soon as he turned to close the door.

I was so fucking agitated. What the fuck?! I mean, what the hell did Sam think he was doing tonight? _Advertising?! _It was bad enough with the bitches but when he moved on to a _dude. That _shit was a problem.

I decided to wait till we got into the room until I fucking _showed _him how _'not okay' _that was.

"What the hell, Dean?!" Sam yelled. I chuckled.

_Right. I'm sure you're so oblivious, you little shit. _

I knew that this was a plan – Sam was playing to my weakness. I got jealous easily and he fucking _knew _that. But the fact that it was a set-up didn't change the fact that that shit still bothered me.

"Really, Sam? No clue as to why I'm doing this? Not a single fucking one?!" I whispered harshly into his ear.

"N-no." He stumbled.

"Right." I laughed humorlessly.

I jerked my hips forward, grinding them into Sam's ass.

"What were you doin tonight, Sammy? Shoulda just pinned a 'For Sale' sign on ya. Or does 'Open at 8' sound more... _classy?" _

"What are you talking bout, De?"

"Oh, quit with the bullshit. You know _exactly _what you were doing."

There was a pause before Sam spun around quickly and pinned me to the wall, back touching cold surface, when he spoke.

Venom and lust laced his words. "You know what Dean? Yeah, I did. I knew _exactly _what I was doing. I'm so _sick _of you being all fucking distant and not trusting me because I left. Get _over _it, De. You know I love you but I couldn't be there with dad being an ass all the time. I didn't leave forever – didn't intend to. Get over it, De, cause I'm so sick of tip-toeing around you."

Sam leaned in and kissed me.

God I missed his mouth. My hands, instinctively, went straight to Sam's ass, gripping it roughly. His hands found their way to my hair and neck, grabbing at it. I began to walk forward, and he followed by walking backwards until he stopped, feeling the bed hit his legs. I pushed him down and crawled on top of him.

I dove into his neck, kissing and biting and licking and _marking. This _was mine. And everybody would be able to tell, cause I was not fucking sharing.

I ripped off the unnecessary material separating me from his bare skin.

When the shirt was off I kissed down his tanned, toned chest and stomach, ravishing it.

When I reached the hem of his jeans, I licked the skin right next to it. My teeth bit the fabric and tugged at it while my hands dove for his belt, quickly undoing it.

I slid down his body and took off his shoes and socks, then tugged at the jeans, bringing them down in one swift motion. I stood to admire my Sammy, only clad in boxers.

"Fucking delectable." I whispered then crawled back onto him. His heart was beating so fast I could feel it against my chest.

"I missed you, Dean. So fucking much." Sam growled.

_Hot damn. _

"Missed you too, baby."

Sam's POV:

Dean licked up my body and finally got to my boxers. I couldn't stand it though.

"Why are you still wearing" I paused to gasp because Dean was still doing... dirty things to me, "So many... _clothes?" _

Dean chuckled. "Want me to get naked." I nodded fervently.

"Okay." He smirked and grabbed the hem of his shirt. It began to rise and I couldn't take it. I got on my knees to do the job myself.

I unwrapped him.

Shirt first. Then I pushed him onto the bed and grabbed his shoes, socks, and pants.

We were now both in just our boxers. I pulled his down swiftly and leant down to suck his shaft.

He groaned, which encouraged me even more. I bobbed my head enthusiastically, taking as much of him in as I could and stroking, with my hand, what I couldn't reach.

It was over quickly – we haven't done this what, 6 _years? _

I swallowed his cum and as soon as Dean had calmed down, he stood and swiftly pulled my boxers off. We stood there and kissed, tongues re-exploring what used to belong to them – what still _does. _

"I- I want you, i-in me. _NOW." _

Dean lead me over to the bed and had me bend over on my hands and knees on the mattress. He began to lick my hole, while his hand stroked my shaft between my legs.

_Damn I missed this. I missed _Dean.

By the time three slick fingers were in me, I was ready.

"Now, Dean. Please, now. I'm ready." I begged.

Dean kissed my back tenderly.

"Okay, roll over Sam. I wanna _see _you while I fuck you." Dean replied huskily.

I did what I was told and lay down, head on the pillow.

He crawled on top of me and kissed me passionately, fingers once again playing with my ass.

Finally, I felt his smooth dick press against my entrance.

"Go ahead, Dean." I encouraged.

Our tongues mingled and our hands caressed as he entered me. I screamed in pleasure.

He pulsed inside of me and one hand gripped my hand while the other pumped my cock.

We continued to kiss passionately until I felt my orgasm approaching.

"I'm gonna cum, Sam. Come with me, baby." He whispered.

Those words sent me over the edge.

I felt a tremble run through me and both Dean and I erupted.

When it was over I looked at him.

"Wanna shower?" He asked.

"Yeah." I smiled.

We headed to the shower, but didn't head for round 2. We were contempt.

We washed off, kissing passionately every 2 minutes.

Finally, we headed to his bed, naked, and lay down.

His arms wrapped protectively around me while I buried myself in his chest, our legs intertwined under the covers – there was no space in between us.

Just how I loved it.


	15. A Relationship

A/N: Hey! Thanks to all who follow, review and favorite. It really does mean a lot. I start school on Tuesday so my writing might get a little sketchy here and there with uploading but I PROMISE to not discontinue it, cause that shit is annoying, no? The most you lovely people would have to wait for an upload would be maybe 2 days _max. _No more than two days without uploading. Pinky swear. Thanks again! Hope you're enjoying the fluff. But remember...

A lot can happen in 20 chapters... ;)

Chapter 15 : A Relationship

Dean's POV:

When morning came I felt the hot body that was pressed into mine.

_Sammy. _I thought happily.

I scooted back so I could look at him, to find his eyes wide open.

"Good morning." He said.

"Morning."

"How'd you sleep?" He asked.

_I haven't slept that good in 6 years... _

"Great, you?"

"Fantastic." He replied and snuggled back into me.

Don't get me wrong – I don't cuddle.

But... this is Sam. It's different.

I knew that, eventually, we'd have to get up... but... I _really _didn't want to.

I had an idea... I kinda just wanted to explore my Sammy... I hadn't been with him in 6 years, I need to inspect.

I got up from the bed and saw Sam frown a bit, causing me to chuckle.

"Lay down, face first." I said.

Sam complied immediately.

_Good boy. _I thought.

I crawled over to him and pulled the covers down, revealing his naked form.

I hummed in appreciation.

I climbed on top of him, sitting firmly on his ass, and began to massage his back tenderly.

Each crevice was worked to the point of looseness.

All his joints were so tense and tight.

My poor Sammy.

Leaned down to kiss the back of his neck and began to suck, lick and bite creating a purple bruise.

_Too bad his damn hair will cover it up... I'll just have to make another one. _I smirked to myself. _What a challenge. _

This wasn't sexual though... this was just peace and serenity.

I turned around to work out all the kinks in his legs and feet and by the time I was done, Sam was so relaxed he was almost asleep.

I got off of him and lay down on his back, mindlessly tracing patterns on his taught skin.

I knew we had to hit the road soon, but I just wanted to stay here... forever.

But, I, against my preference, stood up and began to dress.

"We better get going, Sammy." I sighed. "World don't stop moving out there just cause we want it to."

"Yeah you're right." He replied. We both finished dressing and packed up all of our belonging, leaving just another motel...

But this one had a little bit of sentiment to me, you know? I'd never say anything, but this was the motel Sam and I got together in and that makes it somewhat special to me.

But we're not gonna advertise that shit.

Sam's POV:

Dean and I drove down the long highway but we sat apart.

I didn't know what Dean wanted... I didn't know what this... _thing _was or how I was supposed to act during it.

Dean, as per usual, sensed my uneasiness and looked at me.

He opened his right arm. "C'mere." He said, and I crawled over to him, and felt his strong, sturdy arm wrap around me.

_Home. _It felt like home.

We continued driving and after about an hour I couldn't help it.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"What... what is – what are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... are we in a relationship or is this just-" I knew Dean hated talking shit out, and hell, so did I... but I hate being uncertain – not knowing what's going on.

"No, Sam, this isn't just physical." Dean sighed - he so did not wanna talk about this but the fact that he was still giving it a go for me was speaking all its own. "Sam...Let's just go back to normal – before Stanford. I know we both know it happened it was impactful and shit but... let's just forget about it. I miss you, baby. I just wanna go back to normal."

I smiled. That's what I wanted – down to a T.

We were in a relationship – not a standard or normal one, but hell. Nothing in our fucked up lives have ever been 'normal', so why start now?

What the hell was I thinking going to Stanford?

Seeing what I missed out on – Dean – I wish I would've balled up and stayed.

It would've been better for my relationships with both my dad and my brother.

Now I was screwed and my last words to dad were not the best nor were his to me, and I was not gonna let that be the same way Dean and I left it.

Now, the realization that he could be gone in a split second with the job we do, I felt myself cling to him more. I didn't want to fight with him... not when any second in our profession could be our last.

Knowing all I do now, I wish I would've never left in the first place.

But you can't change the past, but you can control the future. And I was not going to make the same mistake twice.

It was bad enough that I did it to my dad, but to do it to my _brother? _The person I _love? _That... If that happened I would break.

No way would I let that shit happen.

So I planned to keep Dean close and keep him loved.

I planned to _keep _him.

Because he was mine, and I was his, and I didn't' wanna alter that shit anytime soon.

I was finally contempt; I was finally happy.

As I thought all this over, I smiled when I came to my conclusion, so I snuggled into Dean a little bit more, and his arm tightened around me, holding me a little bit closer.

A/N: Thanks to those who review! They make my day. :)


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